Grassroot Magazine

4 important things to know before dating a friend’s ex

Have you really been fair and honest to your friend?

When many people think of dating a friend’s ex, the thought does not often appeal, because of the bad opinion people have of those who do it. The bad feeling attached to this scenario has already been questioned in this opinion piece I published here. In it, I pointed out reasons why single people should be left alone to pursue attractions and affections as it occurs to them instead of being told to restrain themselves due to some unfair rule.

That being said, if you must date a friend’s ex, there are some things that you would have to know because you want to be sure that you are fully informed about the decision you are making and that you are going about it the right way.

So what and what should you know before dating a friend’s ex partner?
Have you been honest?
As much as happiness should be sought and obtained above every other thing, you want to be sure you are doing it right and you're being reasonable in its pursuit.

So ask yourself, was there any foul play in the connection created with your friend's ex? If, for example, you were cheating with him or her while they were dating your friend, it means you are not a good friend and your friend is better served with you out of the picture.

It will affect your friendship
The likelihood of this is very high. Many times, friends would ask for the other person to either choose the friendship or the prospective relationship. That’s how seriously people approach the issue of dating friends’ exes.

Even if your friend is open minded and does not mind the relationship, there are still chances that he would not be so willing to be in company of his or her ex that much.

What this means is that, even if they give their blessing to the relationship, you may not be seeing your friend as much as you would like to, especially when seeing you would mean seeing that ex-partner, too.

Is this potential relationship worth the hassle?
Another question you need to ask yourself is whether it’s worth it.

You cannot jeopardise a long standing, productive friendship on something you are not sure of, or something that’s fleeting.

If you must risk it all, better make sure it’s worth it.

Tell your friend about it Some say ‘ask your friend,’ I say ‘tell.’

The difference is in intent and certainty. If you are convinced that the man or woman is good for you and you want to give it your all in the hopes of going all the way, then your friend’s refusal should not stop you. Afterall, it is your happiness you’re pursuing here and that should really not be negotiable.

So if you’re eventually going to do what you have to do, why bother asking for permission?

On the other hand, you should be the one to personally tell your friend, out of respect, at least. They deserve to hear it from you. What they do with that information is then left to them.

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4 important things to know before dating a friend’s ex

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